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Why are so many things mis-spelled in SSW (Popsickle, Bananna, etc)?
Posted Apr 15, 3008 @ 14:41 by DonKey ( HW | PP | SMAIL)  
They aren't. The language you know as "English" has just evolved (some would say de-evolved) and changed significantly since the last time you heard it. Languages have a tendency to do this when you have been frozen for hundreds and hundreds of years! So shut up and pay attention!!

Many of the words of the "English" language of Earth (now known as the Universal Common Language, UCL, or just "Common") were modified to varying degrees as part of the armistice agreement between Earth's warring nations at the end of the 3rd Websterian Grammatical Jihad of 2237. As defined by the terms of the truce, the practice of randomly inserting extra consonants in most words as well as switching them with more phonetically appropriate consonants was globally adopted, whilst the use of the letter "u" after the letter "o" in certain words (eg: "colo*rs, flavo*rs, etc) was outlawed under penalty of death.

Although several skirmishes did erupt from time to time after the Armistice of 2237 (mainly over such minor things as the proper use of the semi-colon, and the increasing erosion of family values by the alarming rise in the appearance of run-on sentences), the cessation of hostilities was widely honored up until the First Universal Civilizational Kollapse of the Mashturian Empire in the late 25th Century (better known as "The F.U.C.K.M.E. Event"). For many decades following the Kollapse, there was war, bloodshed, and chaos throughout the Universe...much of which was due to peoples' complete inability to communicate with each other anymore. It was not until many, many years later, thanks to Emperor Norton's glorious rise to power, that peace and balance could be brought to the Universe again...and among many other things, that the language could be repaired and modern Common could be born.

Although the Emperor's decrees and clarifications to the language have greatly improved the intelligence, prosperity and understanding of all the Universe's inhabitants, there still remain many misconceptions regarding the use and origin of many Common words. For example:

The rumor that "Popsicle" was changed to "Popsickle" because many of the people revived in Earth's cryogenics storage facilities smell so bad as to make tourists "sick" is FALSE. In fact, many Popsickles come out of cryostasis smelling only of high-quality booze (and quite strongly at that). This is due to the limitations of early long-term cryostasis technology that required the consumption of large amounts of purified ethanol just prior to freezing in order to limit damage to the blood vessels and major organs.

Another frequently repeated myth is that banannas got their extra "n" because one of the members of the marketing team at ACME Bananna Blasters Corp forgot to use the spell checker on their promotional materials just as their next-generation blasters were being rolled out to market. This is patently false, as any ACME Linguistical Histobot? can tell you. The truth is that banannas are spelled this way because of Anna's banishment after doing unspeakable (and unsanitary) things with one.

As you traverse the vast reaches of the Universe and encounter Its countless sentient species, you will find many more words that may seem strange yet somehow familiar to you...

You'll have a much better time if you don't let any of these things bother you too much.

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