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Life, Marriage and Children

Today, I received a letter from the son of a man I served with. His father was killed in 1992 when he was five years old. This kid was asking about what his father was like and was graduating from college. He was sad that another of life's milestones was happening without his dad there.

Then he asked how my wife and kids handled the stress of knowing that I could walk out the door and never return. The thing is I have never been married and have no kids that I am aware of. That got me thinking (danger Will Robinson danger).

Why?

Well, the weak answer is "The Corps never issued me a wife and kids" The real one is that I got jaded and didn't want to deal with the stress. Real strong marriages are rare. I can't begin to even describe all the divorces I saw from Marines I served with. I saw the pain that the kids went through. The last ten years or so, I had young men sitting in front of me in tears because they could not figure out a way to save their marriage. War never helps. So, I figure why enter into something that has a huge chance of failure. I admit there are times that I regret not having little tykes running around. But, as I have yet another friend going through a divorce, I just can't see that as an option. Women say either I have not met the "one" or I am afraid of commitment. That is not true. I don't want deal with the 50/50 chance that someone wants half my shit if it doesn't work out.

Well, should I tell him his father hated his Mother and cheated on her every chance he had? Or should I lie like a rug?

Posted: 05/06/10 at 15:47 (1004 views)


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Displaying 1-8 of 8 Comments

sadieseaside

sadieseaside
lie like your running for office, no child wants to hear that about a parent. tell the kid his dad thought the sun and moon spun around him. avoid mentioning the wife at all if you can. the kid wants and needs to hear that his dad was proud of him and would have loved to see him do well. no matter how big an ass he might have been let the kid know his dad would have wanted to be there for the milestones in his life.

as far as not finding "the one" for you when and if it is ment to happen it will.if it doesn't happen so fuckin' what, life goes on and can still be full and happy. as far as not having kids, the world is a crowded place. there is more than DNA to offer the world, you do your part keeping everyones kids safe. it sounds like you have helped to raise more than one youngster and set them on the right path.

Posted on 05/08/10 at 11:11
Rickton

Rickton
The kid asks what his dad's like and the first thing you think of is about how he cheated on his wife all the time?
Of course you shouldn't say that stuff. And you don't have to lie about it either, just leave it out. That's not even the sort of thing the kid wants to know about. Just talk about what serving with him was like, or what he was like with the guys...no lies, but none of the family unpleasantness either.

Posted on 05/07/10 at 09:09
Liyana

Liyana
Lie...Or simply suggest he ask his mom about his dad. Say she'd have the inside story more than you since they were together, while you have a buddy viewpoint. Let her decide and possibly step in shit or open up shit. It is really her job in this case. If she is no longer living, then lie.

Considering human psychology, all other factors are irrelevant but these two, in my opinion.

1. It hurts nobody to let him think well of his father, unless there is someone else around to call your bluff. If so, weigh how much you lie and keep it neutral/positive, not glowing and ridiculously good. Keep it in a plausible framework relative to the guy.

2. if you do tell the truth, warts and all, the kid can as easily choose to believe that you have some reason to lie and decide that the truth IS a lie. People have that weird habit of denial if they don't like what they are faced with. then you look like a bad guy and it is ugly because well, denial is ugly

Posted on 05/07/10 at 08:08
munk

munk
Lie. Chivalry sometimes demands it for good reason. (:

Posted on 05/06/10 at 23:11
ShadowsCursed

ShadowsCursed
Lie. For the sake of his father and being able to maybe move on it would be for the best.

As far as marriage in general, it's so difficult for people now to connect face to face. Life has become a major race to death as opposed to a way to enjoy it. People settle too quickly with someone they think could suit their lifestyle.

Marriage is a weak solution for some people's financial issues and it only leads to a weak foundation for marriage.

I believe that most marriages are failing because we all suddenly realize that there are better options available instead of keeping our noses in our own shit.

I don't blame you for remaining the way you are. No one can blame you for being fussy. If there were more of you we'd suddenly remember what marriage was supposed to mean.

Posted on 05/06/10 at 19:07
SodaFett

SodaFett
Lie, I never knew my real father, but was raised by a great man, and am on my third and final marriage, finally happy :)

Posted on 05/06/10 at 17:05
Salen

Salen
yeah lie through your teeth; i would rather have an image of my dad as a good guy than know the truth. and as for people telling you that you have commitment issues, when and if ever you meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with, their won't be any issues you won't want to get past:) good luck guy, i'll stop babbling now!

Posted on 05/06/10 at 16:04
Demolition

Demolition
Lie like a rug.
I was very lucky in the marriage that I had.
I had a wonderful wife and she gave us some great kids.
But we were definitely not the norm for service marriages.

Posted on 05/06/10 at 16:04

Displaying 1-8 of 8 Comments


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